


Honeymoon at the End of the World

by lady_ragnell



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-30
Updated: 2012-06-30
Packaged: 2017-11-08 21:50:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/447925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_ragnell/pseuds/lady_ragnell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Merlin survives the end of the world, plays Strip Never Have I Ever, and finally gets laid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honeymoon at the End of the World

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by summerpornathon 2012's second week (Give Some Fucks (or Die)) but unable to be submitted because there was a no threesomes rule.

Merlin and Will, in sixth form when they were obsessed with plans for the zombie apocalypse, decided that once the initial running was all over with, the important thing would be to get laid. ”Girls would be easy, with the world ending! One last hurrah and all,” Will would say, gesturing grandly, and Merlin would always eagerly agree, throwing in a few words about other lads as well. It was, they agreed, the one perk of the apocalypse.

Trust Merlin to be the last virgin at the end of the world.

*

He ends up with a pair of newlyweds, because of fucking course he does. They’re all in the same train car when first the train stops and then the world does, and after gaping openmouthed at the rain of fire Merlin saves their arses since they’re closest, over the objections of the man who wants to go back and save everyone even though half the train is aflame. The woman, at least, seems to be on Merlin’s side, judging by the way she helps him drag the man clear of the rubble.

Merlin’s not an action hero, but he watches a lot of horror films and Will gave him a zombie kit he always keeps in his bag, so he manages to get them clear and into the trees, safe until they figure out what the hell is going on.

The man checks the news on his phone and crows with delight when it works (seriously, whose mobile works during the apocalypse?). “The good old BBC, still putting out the news.” He sobers. “It’s everywhere, though. Floods and fire and God knows what else. We should stick together for now.”

The woman dashes tears from her eyes. “We’re on our _honeymoon_.” Merlin snorts, can’t exactly help himself, drawing her attention. “Thank you, by the way. For saving us. Anything we can do for you … I’m Gwen, and this is Arthur.”

“Don’t suppose you’d care for a threesome?” Merlin asks, and they laugh like they think he’s joking.

*

They stay out in the woods in a makeshift tent. Arthur turns on his mobile for five minutes a day and checks the news until they stop broadcasting it, at which point they use the rest of his battery on a Words with Friends battle on Facebook (after Merlin friends them and discovers that Arthur’s sister is Merlin’s boss, a terrifying woman named Morgana who hasn’t updated her page since the world ended, which Merlin is trying not to read too much into).

Arthur finds the food, since he turns out to be handy at fishing and foraging from too many wilderness courses in his youth. Gwen cooks the food so neither of the men accidentally poisons them all, because she’s a chef when not on her Honeymoon at the End of the World. Merlin starts the fires and shores the tent up and is the general dogsbody and, because _someone_ should be getting laid, vacates the camp when Arthur and Gwen start fidgeting and not looking at each other and lets them have loud and desperate sex that he hears every minute of because he doesn’t dare go too far. He vacillates between using the time to jack off and using it to find more supplies.

Generally he picks the former.

*

“Never have I ever had a threesome,” says Arthur, because of course they’re playing Strip Never Have I Ever during the apocalypse. Everything else has got boring, after a week, and they aren’t ready to venture out of the woods yet. Gwen sighs and takes off her shirt, down to bra, trousers, and pants. Arthur and Merlin don’t move. “Come on, Merlin, you haven’t done _anything_.”

Merlin who is down one shoe for “never have I ever ridden a pony” and sexually frustrated from Arthur removing his jacket for “never have I ever given a blowjob,” scowls and wishes Will had packed bourbon in his zombie apocalypse kit. “Never have I ever had sex, you _absolute arse_ ,” he snarls, and stomps off before Arthur can shut his mouth or Gwen can unzip the fly on her jeans.

Gwen comes running after him before he can get far, all smooth naked skin and messy hair and concerned expression. “Um, he might have done that a bit differently if we’d known that.”

Merlin eyes her. “Done what?”

“Found an excuse to invite you for a threesome?” She smiles awkwardly while Merlin tries to think of any response he could possibly make to that. “Only we heard you tossing off, once. Or twice. Or a lot of times, really, and it was a bit--”

“Pathetic?”

“Hot, actually.” This time, her grin is all warmth. “Honestly, Merlin, we would have found a game that didn’t require stripping if we weren’t planning on seducing you.”

Will would be disappointed. The speed at which Merlin runs back to the camp is not cool at _all_.

*

Gwen and Arthur actually argue over which one of them gets to have him first, Merlin sprawled out naked between them wondering if he’s hallucinating. Gwen wins, by virtue of pointing out there’s no lube (Merlin decides he can wait to mention the extra supplies Will tucked into the bottom of his zombie kit), and Arthur sulks for about thirty seconds before Merlin points out that he’s got a mouth, and then they’re off.

Arthur, it turns out, is more interested in kissing Merlin’s mouth than fucking it at present, which is good, as Gwen is riding him with merry abandon and he doubts his ability to learn to blow while that is going on. Instead, Merlin and Gwen give Arthur what Merlin sincerely hopes is the handjob of his life, and Gwen rolls off Merlin before he can come in her and licks him off and then Arthur shoves Merlin’s head down between Gwen’s legs and gives him instructions that would be annoying if they weren’t also both hot and helpful.

“I have the best plans,” Arthur says smugly after, when they’re all tangled up in a confused pile of limbs, and Merlin doesn’t have the energy to do anything but poke him.

*

They have a lot of sex after that. There isn’t much else to do at the end of the world.

*

“There are caves near my hometown,” Merlin says two weeks later, when nothing else overtly apocalyptic has happened and they’re starting to run out of resources. “If anyone’s alive, it’s going to be the people in Ealdor.” God, he hopes so. His mum and Will were there. “It’s a few days’ walk, probably.”

“It’s not like we have anywhere more pressing to be,” mumbles Arthur into Gwen’s breast, which he never bothered removing his mouth from after their last round. “London’s most likely a shambles.”

*

It takes five days to get to Ealdor, and by the end of it all three of them are hungry and tired and snappish. Merlin spends the last few minutes of the walk to the caves making a great racket and stomping about like a five-year-old, which is why he misses the sound of a gun cocking but Arthur and Gwen don’t.

Before he knows what’s happening, Merlin finds himself shoved behind Arthur and Gwen (which he will find time to feel warm and pleased about later) and staring down a rifle at Will.

“Will, oh my God!” he says, pushing Arthur out of the way to hug him, and then it’s a confusing few minutes of asking after his mum and valiantly not-crying into Will’s shoulder until Arthur pulls him back to stare mistrustfully at Will.

Will, for his part, looks between Arthur’s possessive hand at Merlin’s nape and the way Gwen presses into his side and starts laughing. “Oh, you absolute bastard. What did I tell you, mate? End of the world, best time to get laid.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Honeymoon at the End of the World](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1482328) by [RsCreighton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RsCreighton/pseuds/RsCreighton)




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